A loved one and I were talking one day about how several individuals she holds near and dear to her heart have hurt her emotionally lately. Actually, these people seem to hurt her consistently on a regular basis. She was really upset of the fact she was harboring so much emotional anger. Once she vented, she asked me: "How do you do it? I know there are loved ones who hurt you consistently as well, yet, you seem to shake it off and keep a relationship with them as though nothing ever happened? What is the secret?" At the moment, I really didn't know how to answer her question. Is there a subconscious secret to how I deal with them? It is a question I wanted to answer for her.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
- Mark Twain
The first question to ask is: Do I get angry? Of course, I do. Who doesn't when they are hurt by someone they love. But the second question would be, How important is this person? If the person is not a close family member and they have done me wrong more than once, I cut them out of my life all together. Plain and simple. Like the saying goes, First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me. Life is way too short to deal with individuals who bring nothing but negativity and ill feelings into your life. Why spend precious time being upset at someone who really does not realize and value the fact that friendship is a gift. I pride myself in being a good friend. I listen intently, do my best to cheer them up when they are down, and keep complaining to a bare minimum, since I know, there is nothing worse than being "that friend" who always seems to have an issue needing to be resolved. A great friend help each other identify the good qualities in one another.
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire.
It burns it all clean.
- Maya Angelou
But, there are people in our life who, because of familial ties, we can not do away with as easily. It's so sad to know these are the individuals who can do the most harm. Why? Because, they know no matter how angry they have made you, there is no way they can ever lose you forever. They have insurance....blood ties. These are the relationships in which we have to learn effective ways of dealing with our anger.
Don't get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects.
- Richard M. Nixon
This quote, my friends, is the key for me. I am a huge quote enthusiast, (my reason for making my weekly Wednesday Words of Wisdom) and this Nixon quote hit me to the core. The first time a loved one makes you angry it is blinding. Why? Because this is the one person, who, because of your blood relation, you'd think would never hurt you. We expect our family members to be the ones to nurture us, make us feel better about ourselves, play for the home team. Then, as they subsequently hurt you, you realize the anger is there, but not quite as strong as the first couple of times. Is it because we are getting used to the idea of this person hurting you? No, not at all. It's because with each time they do, we lose that much more respect for them. Even more so, we realize this person obviously cares very little about how they have made me feel, so why go through the exhaustion involved with being angry for them? Anger is depleting to our positive energy. In the end we are the ones feeling empty and exhausted while the cause of our pain, is oblivious to it, or better yet, could care less about how their actions and/or words have made us feel.
Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.
- Alfred A. Montapert
When we think about the last time we were angry, we can see how Mr. Montapert words ring with extreme clarity. Think about it....when we are angry, our blood pressure rises, our body tenses, our emotions run amok, sometimes we even suffer from bouts of depression. We wreck havoc on our system. So why put ourselves through it? After giving much thought to the question posed to me, I have identified what is it I do to avoid it. And it was quite simple too.
Take the power for them to anger/hurt you away from them.
We know exactly what makes these certain relatives tick. After all, they are very predictable. Usually they follow a pattern. For example, we may have a relative who enjoys seeing loved ones battle it out. Nothing shocks the trouble maker more than seeing you are not feeding off of them. They act as though they are the innocently bringing you information, but in reality they know this will "set you off". So when they see you are nonchalant about it, Wow! We have rocked their world. We are not being vindictive in doing this. We are simply avoiding being placed in a situation where anger can brew. Another example is the relative who remembers events in your life quite differently than you do, and are adamant to prove "You are wrong". Stop them in their tracks. "Let's agree to disagree" and move on to a lighter topic of conversation. We know because they are family, we have to interact with them. The best way to do this with those who can be hurtful, is to avoid the things they can do to cause that pain. And then, let go of the past pains they have caused. Resentment can be just as toxic as anger.
Remember, life is too short. We should be spending the majority of our time with those who want to see us smile, not those who rather make us cry.
Water for Elephants is historical love story based on the bestselling book by Sara Gruen by the same name. It stars a pair of Academy Award winning actors, Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds), Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line), and Robert Pattinson.
The story is based during the Depression and centers around Cornell veterinary student, Jacob Jankowski (played by Robert Pattinson), a young man on the verge of receiving his degree and license and poised to work alongside his father when his world falls apart. He discovers after losing his parents in an automobile accident, that his parents wagered their whole life savings and home in order for him to go to college. Penniless, and with nothing and no one to go home to, he decides to leave everything behind. Jacob ends up hopping a train to a destination unknown. He soon discovers, the train he jumped on is a traveling circus train.
Jacob is introduced to to the ringmaster/head trainer of the circus, August Rosenbluth (played by Christoph Waltz), who, upon learning he is a trained vet, hires him to look after the animals. Jacob also discovers August is also married to the star attraction, Marlena Rosenbluth (played by Reese Witherspoon), who he has become enchanted with. He becomes painfully aware of August's ruthlessness and lack for civility to anyone and anything around him after witnessing how he treats those at the bottom of the totem pole and the beautiful gentle elephant he has acquired in one of his stops.
Francis Lawrence did an amazing job directing this movie. Not only is the movie frontlined by two Academy Award Winning actors, but a slew of other exceptional winners have their hand on weaving and creating this magical story behind the scenes as well. Having read this book three years ago, I was a bit afraid of being disappointed with the movie. It is very difficult to write a 2 hour screenplay from a novel with such precise and vivid detailing. As the audience, we know many scenes will be cut. But, Richard LaGravanese, did a superb job of maintaining all the key elements which made this book touch the hearts of millions.
Water for Elephants transports the audience straight back to the 1930's. The imagery, costumes, and sets, are all authentic to this era. There is only one word to describe it.... breathtaking.
I can not rave more about the casting on this film. Christoph convinces the audience to hate August as the villan of the story. We can feel the pain and anguish Marlena is feeling when trying to decide what life she would like to live. And Robert literally convinces you of the innocence and naivete, Jacob; a young man who is seeing the world beyond his home with wide eyed wonder for the very first time.
With all the magical elements and imagery, this is definitely a movie to watch on the big screen and one you would walk away feeling like you spent 2 hours experiencing a time of great simplicity long gone.
She loves accessorizing, whether it be blingy rings, charm bracelets, necklaces, earrings, headbands....you name it, she has it. Her latest fascination has been with flower pins.
I know I may be partial, seeing that she is my daughter and all, but she has been stopped many of times to be complimented on her hair. So it's no wonder she loves adding pretty accessories to it. When she first got into the floral kick, we would purchase pins at Claire's. I would balk when I saw the price tags on these very simply made pins. She purchased a couple and one day I decided to take a closer look at one. I thought, Wow, this is super easy to make. I bought the necessary supplies and made one. Super simple. I even had my girl scout troop make their own for a project. Yesterday, Lil Diva was looking at her wardrobe and realized she could use certain colors. So what did we do? Stopped at our local craft store and found some pretty flowers, of course.
Your choice floral stems
felt (any color, I use a dark brown or black to match her hair)
box of single prong hair clips
- First thing first... plug in your glue gun, insert the glue stick. You want the glue nice and hot for maximum adhesiveness.
- Take your flowers and pull the flowers off their stem. That's right pull, one gentle tug and they are out.
- If there is still a bit of stem left on your flower, cut it with the scissors so the back of the flower is pretty much flat.
- Next, cut two strips of the felt. one about 1/2 an inch wide, and another strip about 3/4 inch. Depending on the flower, you will cut the 3/4 inch strip large enough to cover the inner circle of the back of the flower. Adhere it to the flower. I do this in order to give the flower a flush area to adhere the pin to.
- Adhere a strip of glue to the outside prong of the hair clip. For this I suggest you hold the pin in the open position and quickly place the flower onto it. No worries on how long you have to keep it open since hot glue dries rather quickly. Once it is dry you can put a strip onto the 1/2 inch strip, open the pin again and glue it onto the underside of the open clip and the felt. This will help secure the flower in place.
The finished product:
And the third one:
I hope this has inspired some of you to make your own floral hair pins to add to your Spring and Summer accessories.
P.S. Did I mention that it only took me 15 minutes total to make these 3 beauties?
“This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.”
Shannon, the amazing author of The Simply Luxurious Life blog, tweeted about this months issue of Laura U magazine going live this morning. So I brewed my coffee, made my toast, and proceeded to make myself nice and comfortable in front of my computer. I was greeted with page after page of incredible eye candy!
If money were no object (and if my home was a tad bit larger), these are some items I would definitely purchase.
For my home....
Antwerp Chair- Anthropologie
Angola Mountain Zebra Ottoman - Hollis & Knight
(wouldn't this piece be amazing for a dressing room?)
Christopher Guy Chaise Lounge
(*sigh* To own this piece....I would be in heaven)
It's a pretty damp day today, but that didn't stop me from getting dressed and enjoying the day.
* Went out for a sushi lunch with my friend and her baby girl.
* Bought a pretty coral dress to wear for Easter that fit beautifully. (Did I mention I got it for 50% off?)
* Did a little Spring cleaning of the kitchen and living room.
Looking forward to.....
* My girl scout meeting this evening....with scheduling conflicts and cancellations, I haven't seen my girls in almost a month! I am sure they will have tons to talk about.
* Dedicating a few hours to watching the second half of Season 1 of GLEE with the Lil Diva.
* Playing hostess to my good friend J, and meeting the new woman in his life. He's talked a lot about her and I already like her! It'll be great to finally meet her in person.